ADH-Bees- my ADHD brain and keeping bees

Never once had it crossed my mind that I might have and ADHD brain. I take issue with the second “D” in ADHD, but more about that later. We had moved to West Wales for a better balance in life, and I was working part-time for the first time. Yet, I was still so tired. Then two things happened. 

First, a 16-year-old patient came to see me with her mum; they were worried she might have ADHD because, by the end of a school day, she was utterly exhausted from concentrating so hard. Second, I spoke to an old GP colleague for the first time in years. They had recently been diagnosed with ADHD. My perception of what ADHD could look like in different people shifted, and I started Googling. I wanted to learn how symptoms can differ in women, how they can be masked, and how I’d reached the age of 44 without the slightest idea that maybe I had an ADHD brain!

A few weeks later, I was driving to work with thoughts of ADHD swirling around my head, listening to a Harry Potter audiobook, trying not to focus on my squeaky windscreen wiper, thinking of everything I had to do at work, and debating what to cook for dinner. All the thoughts, all at once, simultaneously. I couldn’t make any of them be quiet. It was driving me mad. I felt like I was mad. Was I imagining everything I now thought might be due to an ADHD brain?

I’ll forever be grateful that I had the means to book a private ADHD assessment. I chose carefully—I didn’t want someone to tell me what they thought I wanted to hear. I just wanted the truth: Did I have an ADHD brain, or was I imagining it?

The Diagnosis

Before the assessment, I had to complete a questionnaire, and my family filled one out too. The funny thing about “normal” is that whatever is “normal” for you feels normal. I was going through the questions with my husband and came to one about impulsivity. I said something like, “I’m not impulsive, am I?” His response: “Are you ****ing kidding me? You are SO impulsive.” That moment was eye opening. I had never thought of myself as impulsive, but looking back with someone who knows me well, it was undeniable, as were many other symptoms that I had just thought were ‘normal’. 

Within a month, I had my assessment and received my diagnosis: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder—mixed inattentive and hyperactive type. I am not an ADHD expert, but I’m an expert in “me.” Looking back, I now realise I had ADHD symptoms at school and throughout my life. There are a few things that may have delayed my diagnosis:

• Being a bereaved child: My dad died when I was 12, and much of my teenage years were filled with grief.

• Being intelligent: Not to toot my own horn. Academically I did not struggle at school.

• Being very short-sighted and slightly deaf: These challenges may have been what teachers focused on more.

• Being female: I didn’t fit the “classic” profile of a physically hyperactive boy.

Looking back there are lots of reasons my ADHD brain might not have been obvious to me or anyone else. Once my perception of what ADHD can look like, it was so obvious I had an ADHD brain. It’s like a switch was flicked. Interestingly, the psychiatrist who assessed me asked if I was on HRT for peri-menopause—I was. She explained that many women in their 40s with underlying ADHD decompensate during peri-menopause, revealing their symptoms.

After Diagnosis

What surprised me most? I’m not messy (classic ADHD symptom but not one I live with). In fact, I find mess stressful. I didn’t realise I was impulsive until I really thought about it. Actually, I can be very impulsive! I also have loads of other symptoms and have developed multiple coping strategies - none of which I realised. The funny thing? None of my closest friends were surprised by my diagnosis—it’s like they all knew.

The most profound change after discovering my ADHD brain? I finally stopped feeling awful about myself. For years, I’d been exhausted, to the point where simple tasks like taking laundry out of the dryer felt impossible. I’d hate myself for being “lazy” or “shit” on days when I lacked energy. Now I understand: my ADHD brain was working overtime to concentrate during long, mundane workdays, leaving me drained. Finally being able to be kinder to myself has been the most profound thing about being diagnosed. 

I now know why so many work colleagues would say, ‘you are so full of energy’ when I actually felt exhausted.

From ADHD to Bees

Why does any of this matter? Understanding my brain has allowed me to rest when I need to, play to my strengths, stop being so unkind to myself, and stop feeling guilty for not ticking off endless to-do lists. I also understand why I find it so hard to just be still. This brings me back to the bees.

Remember my issue with with that second ‘D’? I have a problem with the term ADHD—specifically, the “D” for “Disorder.” I see ADHD brains as a genetic variant—a brain that works in ways that do not always align with modern education or work environments. So, I propose a rebrand: ADH-Bees—Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Brains. Ditch the ‘disorder’ and focus on a brain that works a little differently to a ‘normal’ brain- whatever that is. My brain doesn’t lack attention; it’s great at focusing on interesting and novel things and brilliant at hyper-focusing on what interests me… like bees!

Last year, I finally booked a beekeeping course, a present I’d been given but not booked! In true ADHD style, few weeks later, we had our first hive. Now, standing by our three beehives, surrounded by thousands of bees and their calming buzz, is one of the only places I truly feel still. Weird, huh?

Embracing Your Brain

If you have ever felt like your brain works differently, maybe it does. Discovering and understanding your unique wiring can be life changing. It has been for me, my life is better, and I am happier now that I understand my ADHD brain better. However you do it, there’s beauty and solace in understanding yourself and in embracing who you are.

I chose the name Bees And Quiet for our little business because I am the bees- always busy, making noise, always moving; and my husband is the quiet- still, calm and peaceful. And if you’re curious about bees—or need a little quiet in your life—you know where to find us.